I'm worried about an important friend of mine who feels guilty when they eat, it reminds me of my eating disorder.
So I thought I'd out myself as an example for those troubled people.
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| This is when I was refusing food |
From when I was a kid, I loved to eat and I ate a lot, so up till around junior high school I ate well and had a good physique.
But, once I got to high school I developed a complex about my body, so I started dieting.
Since I didn't have a lot of knowledge, I just restricted how much I ate.
Before that I had been a person who ate a lot so when I all of a sudden stopped eating I lost a lot of weight.
More than being hungry, I was happy about losing weight, so I didn't stop.
Even thought I was living in a dorm, I started dieting with my younger sister since we went to and from school together, we were the sisters who were only skin and bone.
Eventually my parents were summoned to the school, because of my radical diet.
During those days, to me now it is unbelievable, I weighed around 38kg (84lbs).
My grip strength in my left hand was less than 7kg (15lbs).
After that I went through a cycle of overeating.
Especially once I entered college, when I was living by myself, and the chance to go out drinking increased, I began binge eating.
I would drink, have dinner, then I wouldn't have a break, I'd go to 3 beef bowl shops, then I'd buy even more at the convenience store.
At the first shop, I'd get the extra large portions too.
I would throw up so I could eat, it was like bait.
I didn't want to feel guilty about eating until I was full, so I'd throw up so I could eat.
Because of this and that then I would rebound. But when I'd rebound since I didn't like myself, the complex would cause me to stress, and that stress would lead me to overeating, it was a vicious circle.
From that place, I had my chance to break the circle, my dad saw how fat I had gotten and introduced me to a trainer, and I started receiving personal training.
Because I knew I would keep going through my dietary cycle, I didn't have a choice but to work out.
In the beginning, I hated working out, but my personal sessions started to become more enjoyable, so I started going to the gym twice a week. Also, since I had to make appointments, when I didn't want to go I still had this driving force making me go.
Since I started exercising my body, it became a habit, oddly enough my overeating also started to die down. When I would work out, I didn't think about an excessive amount of things, it was like a reset for my mind, during a moderate workout I also got my autonomic nerves in order.
Eventually I got the chance from my personal trainer to start doing martial arts.
Now my complex about being fat is underfoot, and I don't think about it at all (lol)
People can say whatever they want about my body or my weight.
Of course there were issues of overeating, but now I don't have the feelings of guilt, I know how to reset from overeating now.
Best of all, eating is fun so I'm happy.
That's the best.
Eating is important.
Now if I want to lose weight, I have the knowledge on how to do it properly.
I can also give a little advice.
Not to ramble, before I start to feel guilty, lets work out together.
I'll be waiting at the gym.
